Why I Struggled to Ask My Husband for Money—and How I Finally Broke Free

Do you find it challenging to ask your spouse for money or support?

Have you ever paused to uncover the root reason behind this struggle? If yes, I’d love to hear your story. If not, let me share mine. What I discovered might just help you take the first step toward healing.

There was a time, during the first year of my marriage, when asking my husband for anything felt impossible. I remember walking through shopping malls, tears streaming down my face, wishing I could buy a beautiful dress or a special dish. I was a housewife then, and he was the sole provider. I couldn’t ask him. Or maybe, deep down, I felt he wouldn’t see my desires as necessary.

Things changed in my second year of marriage when I found a way to earn my own money. With my income, I could finally buy what I wanted, and I thought I’d resolved the issue. But something deeper lingered. Why had asking for support felt so hard in the first place?

It was during a Journey Healing process—a visualization technique that takes you back to a childhood memory stored in your cells—that I found the answer.

The Root Cause of My Struggle

The memory I uncovered was vivid. I was 8 years old, full of excitement as I joined my aunt at my dad’s shop. My dad owned a large, well-organized store, and I loved being there. My aunt walked up to him, spoke a few words, and suddenly my dad began shouting at her.

I froze. My heart skipped a beat. In that moment, I decided: "Never ask a man for money or anything. He will humiliate you."

Healing and Transforming the Memory

Through the Journey Healing process, I revisited that memory and transformed it. I saw my father’s outburst differently—not as a universal truth about men, but as a moment of his stress. I realized it wasn’t about me. I released the stuck energy, breathed through the pain, and rewrote the meaning I had given to that experience.

The new belief I chose was:
"When I ask men for what I desire calmly and without blame, they will provide for me willingly."

This shift created wonders in my relationship. Now, before I even ask, my husband often anticipates what I want and gives it to me. I no longer see men as harsh or unkind. Instead, I’ve learned to ask for what I need at the right time, with a tone of gratitude and trust.

From Avoider to Aligned Asking

That frozen response I developed as a child became my Avoider Saboteur—a pattern that kept me from asking and caused unnecessary struggles in my marriage. Healing that childhood memory allowed me to breathe into the stuckness, release the frozen energy, and create space for healthier patterns.

Now, I can ask for my needs without guilt or fear. I no longer believe I need to play the role of “provider” to avoid asking or feeling resentment. Instead, I embrace my feminine power to receive with grace.

From Pain to Purpose: The Inner Child and Shadow Work

This journey taught me how our childhood decisions shape our adult struggles. As an Indian woman, I’d absorbed societal beliefs about relying on men for support, which often led to resentment when my needs weren’t met. My childhood experience reinforced this, and I unknowingly carried that pain into my marriage.

But healing didn’t stop with changing my belief. There was a deeper layer: my shadow pattern.
When I decided never to ask men for anything, I unconsciously took on a masculine role, providing for myself out of resentment. While self-reliance isn’t inherently bad, it came from a negative place—thinking men were bad and feeling angry.

Through healing, I integrated this shadow pattern into something healthy. Now, I can ask for support without fear or blame, while still enjoying the independence I’ve built.

What About You?

Have you ever noticed patterns in your life rooted in childhood experiences?

Do you struggle to ask for what you need from your partner or others?

This work isn’t just about money—it’s about healing the beliefs and decisions we’ve made in the past so we can create healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Let’s Chat

If you’re ready to transform your pain into purpose and joy, I’d love to connect with you. You may private message me on Whatsapp or Facebook messenger to get on a 15 minute call to learn more and see if we are fit to work together. 

Let’s take this step toward freedom and abundance—because you deserve it.

WHATSAPP ME ON - +27 0837869750

Love and Light

Mariam

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